Thursday, August 18, 2011

Where's Joe?

The following headline appeared in the Financial Times today..."US-China: tricky start to Biden visit".  I couldn't help but to take the story one step further.

The President called the Secretary of State into his office. "Well, Hillary, did you send the Vice President off on that fact finding mission as I requested?"
"Yes, Mr. President, the very next day.", she replied.

Doing his best to suppress a giggle, the President asked, "I wonder how he is enjoying Antarctica?"

The Secretary of State hesitated and looked to one side, "Uh, Mr. President, he's not in Antarctica...he's in China."

"China!", the President blurted out, "I told you to send him to Antarctica. Why did you change the plan?"

"You see", she said, "there were no planned flights to Antarctica and since we are on a tight budget, I thought we could save some money by sending him out on the next scheduled just happened to be to China."

"But China, Hillary? We have enough problems with China . God knows what he will say or do. Call him back now."

Now looking down at the ground, Hillary said softly, "I can't, Mr. President."

"You can't. Why in the hell not. You are the Secretary of State and you report to me. Any orders you give are the same as if they come from me!"

"I know, I know. But he can't leave right now. He's in jail."

"In jail? What did he do?"

"We're not exactly sure...something about the Great Wall of China, I think."

"Hillary, what possible problem could he cause there?"

Now shifting nervously back and forth, she responded quietly, "He peed on it."

"They put him in jail for peeing on a bunch of stones?, the President asked incredulously.

"No, not exactly. After the incident, on the way back to Beijing he demanded to speak to the Dalai Lama...I think he was a little confused."

"The Dalai Llama?, Doesn't he realize that China and the Dalai Llama are bitter enemies?"

"Perhaps", replied the Secretary of State, "but I don't think he was thinking straight. It seems that a couple of his hair implant plugs were pulled out during the arrest. That could have led to his erratic behavior."

"My God, Hillary, we have an international crisis on our hands just before the next election. What are we going to do?"

She thought for a moment, then looked him straight in the eye, "Maybe we should call my husband in to help...after all he has good relations with the Chinese and I can keep an eye on him."

"But, if I do he will steal all the spotlight and I will look weak and ineffective. Don't you have any other suggestions ?"

"There is one possibility, but it's a long shot.", she replies, "Maybe, just maybe, we can arrange a prisoner swap."

"A prisoner swap?, the President is now beside himself, "Who can we possibly swap for the Vice President?"

A sly grin appears on the Secretary of State's face. "I was thinking about Nancy Pelosi. She created a furor during the health care debate and she caught the attention if the Chinese Premier."

"I fully understand your first point, but what other possible interest can the Premier have in Nancy Pelosi?"

"Have you seen the Premier's wife? Ugly as a mud hen!" replies Hillary, "Who better to conduct a complete make over than Congresswoman Pelosi. You get the Vice President back where you can control him, she is out of your hair with her ultra liberal demands and the Chinese Premier is happy with his wife's new face. It's a win-win approach."

"Great solution, Hillary! Let's do it. Oh, and by the way, I am sorry about all the bad things I said about you during the nomination campaign."

As the Secretary of State left the room, she was texting Nancy Pelosi with the President's idea of swapping her for the Vice President.

Stay tuned!

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